We here at Mindvalley have what we call “Culture Days”
Currently, the Mindvalley office has over 40 nationalities represented, and each nationality has a day to celebrate the customs of their home country. We take it very seriously and always have a great time doing it.
For this particular Culture Day, we decided to combine both Canada and America into one day (Independence Day is July 1st and July 4th, respectively).
Bigger culture group = bigger celebration.
To begin each Culture Day, an email is sent by the planners to all Mindvalley employees to explain what they should expect throughout the day’s festivities. The following was the email we created in jest, poking fun at all of the lovable (and not-so-lovable) stereotypes Americans and Canadians hold.
Celebrating, and oftentimes laughing in good fun at our differences, is one of the best ways Mindvalley has gathered a high-performing and genuinely fun group of people from all over the world. And one of the things that has been the most eye-opening to us is how often the people of a country, and its government’s politics and worldviews, can be so different.
At Mindvalley we have Russian, Indian, Bosnian, Iranian, German, and Syrian friends, to name a few. Our governments can have fundamental differences, our respective countries may be at war with each other, but in this place, at Mindvalley, we understand that we are not our governments’ decisions and ideologies.
We are individuals sharing this planet, unified in our mission to make it a better place. We have intellectual conversations about world events — we sometimes agree, and we sometimes disagree — but we respect differences of opinions and we celebrate our diversity.
So with that in mind, enjoy Mindvalley’s 2017 North American Culture Day email!
Subject Line: The Most Important Day of Your Life
“Hello citizens of Mindvalley,
As you may or may not know, this Thursday is our first ever North American day!!
Now you might want to be sitting down for this next part… this came as a shocker to all of the Americans at Mindvalley. It turns out Canada is part of North America too! Who would have thought!?!?
Now Canada and America typically have a pretty big rivalry. This rivalry dates back to 1775 when George Washington swam across Niagra Falls, crossed into Canadian territory and stole Canada’s beloved mascot, “Moosey McMooseface.”
In retaliation, the Canadians, dressed as Native Americans and went to Boston to set a bunch of our boats on fire and got us in trouble with England. It was a pretty d*ck move and it started this whole big war.
Since then, they have continually terrorized American citizens by deploying sleeper cells in the nation. Bryan Adams, Justin Bieber, Celine Dion, Carly Rae Jespin… All of them are Canadian spies whose mission is to kill America’s morale through terrible, God-awful music. America suspects these horrible musicians have affected our hearing so much, we can no longer hear what Donald Trump is saying thus allowing him to soar in the polls.
This was Canada’s plan all along.
Since then, Americans have looked at Canadians as over-apologetic, antler wearing, “eh” saying, Gretzky lovin’, Molson drinking, healthcare having softies.
In turn, Canada looks at Americans as gun-toting, Walmart shopping, Budweiser spillin’, chest bumping, Trump humpin’ assholes.
But all of that will change for one magical day…
Where our two cultures will collide in one big extravaganza. As Team America and Team Canada got together to plan this day, we realized how much rich history we share through this historic rivalry.
Here are some key moments we will be celebrating this Thursday, July 14th:
1. June 18, 1922
Eight of Canada’s top engineers constructed the world’s largest straw and used it to secretly tap into America’s national alcohol reservoir. Every Canadian man, woman, and child were required to take turns sucking on that straw until all of America’s alcohol was depleted.
The Americans were so ashamed that they had been fooled by their neighbors in the north that they refused to tell their citizens what had happened. Instead, they declared drinking illegal so no one would know Canada pulled a fast one on America. And with that, the era of Prohibition began.
NOTE: Be on the look-out for clues on where and how to access our illegal speakeasy to celebrate this event after A-Report and drink some plutonium-grade moonshine.
2. April 7, 1944
A lot of Americans don’t remember Canada participating in World War 2, but this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Canada sent seven of it’s finest Mounties to help in the defeat of Adolf Hitler. During one famous battle, a battalion of 200 Americans and those seven fearless Mounties were taking heavy fire in a bunker. Suddenly, a German Soldier lobbed a grenade into the bunker. Before the Grenade could hit the ground, a Mounty without hesitation, took off his ridiculously stupid giant red hat, caught the grenade in his hat, and flung it back at the German soldiers. Inexplicably, he then began apologizing to the German Soldiers, the American Soldiers, and to the grenade.
We will honor this heroic act by throwing Ping-Pong balls from a distance into red cups and making your opponents drink what was inside of said red cup. Please apologize to your opponent after each cup made, as is the Canadian tradition.
3. June 18th, 1969
The 60’s was a time of peace and love for North America. In true hippy fashion, a group of Americans extended an olive branch to their neighbors and warmly declared, “Let us sit at one table as neighbors and bury the hatchet once and for all.” The event was to be an epic one, but what shall everyone eat on such a blessed occasion? The Americans, still incredible ignorant of Canadian customs and cuisine, didn’t know where to start.
“We should eat something shaped like a hockey puck. Canadians love hockey!” One American stated.
“We should smother the whole thing in cheese ’cause it’s the ‘Murican way!” Another American in a trucker hat yelled semi-incoherently.
“MEAT!!!!!” Yelled another. To this day, we are still not sure if he was even paying attention, or he was just a guy who liked to yell “MEAT.” Scholars still debate.
“Canadians are weak, they probably eat plants and stuff. We should put some plants and stuff on it too.” One man said before spitting his chew tobacco.
The dish was originally named “Cheesey Planty Meaty Hockey Shaped Delight,” but was later changed to honor the man who conceptualized the gathering of these two great nations for this meal. His name was Sir William Henry Pizza the 3rd. We will be eating these “Pizzas” to honor this great moment in CanAmerican history.
4. November 16th, 2012
With mental health and gun violence being such big issues in the USA but not such a big issue in Canada, a couple of young Canadians decided they wanted to help their neighbors to the south. They triumphantly rode their mooses (moose?… meese?!?) over the border and proposed a brilliant idea — The “I’m Sorry” Hotline. The “I’m Sorry” Hotline was the culmination of all things Canadian. Free healthcare mixed with unnecessary apologetic undertones.
The “I’m Sorry” Hotline was the culmination of all things Canadian. Free healthcare mixed with unnecessary apologetic undertones.
How does it work you ask? Well it’s simple:
An American dials 1(800)-CANADA-HELP, and tells the Canadian on the other end whatever is troubling them. Their problems at home, their deep dark secrets, their desire to kill his boss…. anything. The Canadian on the other end just talks back the way Canadians do. It’s that simple. Problems are immediately solved. Since that day, violence and intolerance in America has virtually come to an end.
To honor those ingenious Canadians, we will be having our own “Canadian Confessional.” You too have the chance to get some of that free Canadian Healthcare coming your way.
We will have real life Canadians on staff waiting to hear your troubles. You will hear pearls of Canadian wisdom such as, “I’m sooory about that pal”, “That’s a real bummer eh?”, “You betcha can do it buddy”, “Good Golly that’s a tough one”.
When A-report commences, visit our Canadian Confession booth and let all of your problems get apologized away by a 100% authentic Canadian!
So now that you know a little bit more about these strange, but 100% true stories in North American history, how shall we dress to celebrate this monumental day?
Well, it’s easy.
We want you to dress stereotypically and moderately offensively North American (from any era).
Want to wear red and white and/or blue? Sure. Do it.
Want to put on a fanny pack, a Hawaiian shirt, some sunscreen on your nose and a camera around your neck? Yep, you are a North America tourist. We get it.
There is a speakeasy involved. You want to dress like a flapper and do the Charleston? Ok. Want to have the swagger of a 1920’s Gangster? Why not!
Have a pair of bellbottoms you are just dying to wear? Flower Power all the way!
Put on a Hockey Jersey and wear socks with Sandals? Why the hell not… eh?
And as always… If in doubt, just dress like Eric.
(Eric is from USA and is Mindvalley’s General Manager — we love him.)
The point is, dress to have fun and poke fun at our great nations.
We are the land of the free so we’ll let you do that in all of the awesome ways you see fit! We are more interested to see what you put on when you think of your friends in North America!
See you all!
— Team North America