Reconciling Desire And Intimacy In Long-Term Relationships


Why do so many couples experience a dip in desire?

It can be baffling and disheartening when you exit the honeymoon period and no longer experience heart-racing enthusiasm. Friendship often replaces sexual fulfillment, and the demands of living together, marriage, and children take a toll, even as you still deeply love and respect one another.

But is this inevitable? Or is there a way to keep — or revive — the spark?

According to Esther Perel, a bestselling author and relationships expert who travels the world to research couples and sexuality, we all have two fundamental and opposing needs: the need for the security of love and the need for the adventure of desire. We’re not only looking to fulfill our need for love and dependability; we’re looking for relationships that help us find individual fulfillment and independence.

So how do we find love and desire in the same relationships? Esther answers this question in her Mindvalley A-Fest Ibiza 2017 talk.

The Best Highlights


  • (6:57) — Esther Perel explains why modern love is so complicated with a brief history of how the intimate relationship has evolved throughout the ages;
  • (16:53) — Two revealing answers on when you're most attractive to your partner that stay the same across culture, religion, and gender;
  • (24:08) — The most common mistakes couples make that squanders desire in relationships — and how to rekindle the flames;
  • (32:22) — How to resolve the 3 challenges every couple has to face in order to have a successful and long relationship.

Watch the video to learn more about the paradoxical demands of love, and why we fight with the ones we love most.

You have what it takes to create an impact and positive change in the world. Join other brilliant minds at Mindvalley A-Fest Montego Bay 2017 and learn how you can take your life's purpose to the next level.

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How do you and your partner keep the romance alive in your relationship? Share your experiences in the comments below.

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